Six Easy Ways To Get Fired

July 28, 2016

1. Be Late

Listen, Atlanta traffic is insane, nobody is going to blame you if you’re half an hour late. Just buy a big box of doughnuts for everybody and they’ll forget about it. To keep getting hired, try to be at work 30 minutes early, and enjoy a relaxed breakfast at catering.

 

2. Don’t Pay Attention

They interrupt when you’re texting friends. They get mad when your phone isn’t on vibrate. What was that thing they asked you to do? Better text your friend about how annoying these people are. To keep getting hired, keep a notebook and pen in your pocket and always be listening up on the radio in case somebody calls for you, and leave your phone in your pocket. 

 

3. Get the Scoop

This movie set is so awesome! Hey there’s that famous actor! Post photos and location details to the Internet! You might go viral and make it on TMZ, isn’t that what this is all about? To keep getting hired, never post or email pictures from set and don’t share any proprietary details of the project you’re doing until well after it hits theaters.

 

4. Befriend Celebrities

Be best pals with the famous actors! Do your best to go hang out with them after work and they’ll have sex with you and take you to Hollywood! It happens all the time! To keep getting hired, treat celebs as work colleagues, just like everybody else on the crew. Otherwise, we have a name for people like you.

 

5. Undermine Your Coworkers

Hey, you’ve got to do what it takes to get ahead in this game, right? Make sure that everybody on the crew knows about the deficiencies of their co-workers. You might eventually push somebody out of the way and take their place. Climb that ladder! To keep getting hired, learn the strengths of your co-workers, do what you can to fill in the weaknesses, and don’t gossip.

 

6. Collect Souvenirs

This crap will bring a fortune on eBay, once the movie gets out. And honestly, who’s going to be hurt if you take a few things from set or from the kits of the other departments? Do it. You only live once, baby! To keep getting hired, acquire a moral compass and follow it. 

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